“You need to learn how to select your thoughts just the same way you select your clothes every day. This is a power you can cultivate. If you want to control things in your life so bad, work on the mind. That's the only thing you should be trying to control.”
In my update post, I told you guys a small snippet of what was going on in my life (essentially what updates are Omega, don't be dumb). And in that update post, I told you I was in a hiatus, in a huge mess that was suddenly my every waking moment.
When I woke up I felt bad. When I went to sleep I felt bad.
It led to this thing that I like to call plant mode.
What plant mode is is that phase in your life where you don't move.
You notice that there are loads of dishes in your sink, but you're stuck to the couch.
"Somebody else will do them" or "I'll do them later" .
You know that you need to eat something but you're too tired to actually get up and make something for yourself.
"I'll eat later, I'm not that hungry right now"
You see your partner, the love of your life, look at you with so much concern in his eyes that it shatters your heart every single time.
"I'm okay, nothing is wrong with me. I'm fine"
But then, you come to this epiphany that you in fact are not fine. It's not okay. You're not okay.
You start to blame yourself. You start to feel this enormous amount of guilt and you somehow manage to start feeling worse.
You start to blame yourself. You start to feel this enormous amount of guilt and you somehow manage to start feeling worse.
"I don't deserve the things in life that I have. I have a small but loving family, I have a fantastic supportive partner by my side, I have two prettiest smartest cats in the world. I am healthy. I have a roof over my head and food in the fridge. And here I am, sitting, binge watching Netflix for the 7th day in a row, not moving."
I shit you not, in the worst moment of my plant mode, I haven't taken a shower for 4 days. I know, I know, gross, too much details, yadda yadda yadda. But in all honesty, I think that not enough people talk about this in the rawest way possible.
So we see people, who say that they are depressed and anxious. But at the same time, those people show you the highlights of their days. They are wearing makeup, doing their hair, using their bullet journals.
They make it seem like it's all pretty. Sugar and spice and everything nice.
But it's not.
It's horrible.
It's awful.
Throughout my grown up life, I tried every trick that there is.
All the magic potions, all the spells.
Every workout, every meditation, every meal prep.
Every bullet journal spread, every dress up, every "drink enough H2O".
It didn't work for me.
I was in too deep.
You know why?
I wasn't ready.
You know what did help?
Choice.
Choosing my thoughts. Choosing what I feel. Excluding other people from the equation that is my life.
Yes, sometimes life isn't what you expected it to be. But, don't overlook the fact that there are things in your life that actually don't suck.
Don't overlook yourself in the way that you are.
Once you choose what your thoughts are, how you think and how you feel then you do the things from above.
So now you have the option to choose your daily habits. Or better yet, now you can see that you can do all those things.
They do help. But only once your mind is a clean slate.
You have to wake up everyday and see what is good for you. To make that choice in order to feel even better.
Stop putting your sense of worth, your feelings and your mindsets in other people.
Even if they are the best person in the entire world, they are not you.
They don't have the same mindset, they don't have the same thought process, and all this will lead to you feeling let down. Which causes you to resent that person.
Honey, don't do that to yourself or to that person.
By you doing you, you are the best possible version of yourself.
You wake up. Choose to be better than you were yesterday. And even if that leads to you being able only to get up and take a shower, that is still progress.
Slowly, you will get to the point where you will write your to-do list the night before.
To the point where you will declutter your wardrobe.
Where you pack you water bottle in your purse, so that you do in fact drink enough of H2O.
This won't work for everybody. I need to point out that if you are struggling too much, and you can't do this on your own, then don't.
Go see a therapist.
It's not the end of the world.
Seek help within yourself and if you see it necessary, seek it outside as well.
No matter what you do, you are good enough. Never forget that. You are good enough even if you haven't showered in 4 days.
Stay safe, and let me know in the comments if this helped you as well as if you have any themes you'd like me to cover here.
keep growing
-omega
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